1. This week I managed to get my pre-presentation done (for conference). Yeay... But I wish I can be as natural as nigella, in front of the camera ( nigella lawson, tukang masak tu)....Ha? apa? lawa? Ha'a utk umur 61, lawa laaa....kan...........hahahaha, tapi bukan itu la fokusku. Fokusku pada kebolehan berucap depan kamera secara asli.......fluent, charming & relax.......and I m far far far away from that...... My end pre-recorded presentation kan, dah macam pembaca cerita bed time stories.......😆😆😆 another kind of slide karaoke, i think.............................. i wanted to improve that recording, but my husband said, improve next presentation laaa........let this one go........😎. Ok, I let go my perfectionist thingy.......... lepas siap, daku tido sepuas puasnya............😪😪😪
2. At first I thought nak present je, direct secara live. Less the hassle......tapi nasib baik jugak, buat pre-recorded. Turned out, malam tadi berdentam dentum guruh kat langit. Masuk je my session & my turn, angin ribut berbunyi, kilat sabung menyabung, guruh berdentum dentam.......Asyik terperanjat bunyi guruh je.....😅.....Hadoi, aku kene off mic, bagi tahu.....kalau aku on mic ni, semua dengar my thunderstorm here...😆. By the time slide last berbunyi, "Ok, i m ready for the Q&A session"....trus ku sambung, "...Here I am...(di ikuti dengan bunyi guruh dentum dentam)"..........Hahaha kinda funny! "I have the thunderstorm with me ..." sambil gelak - gelak.....😄😄😄.... Chairperson masa tu kata "it s ok, we are here to share knowledge " sambil gelak - gelak 😄😄😄... Siapa sangka, ribut kat luar tu membawa rahmat, kurang stress....
3. This paper yang daku present hari ni, sebenarnya hasil digest 1 semester. Ye, amik masa satu sems just nak paham yang aku ni nak setel jenis 'ketakpastian yang mana?' Banyak memori paper ni,..........Masa tulis paper ni,....tak reti nak start. I was in a mess! Stress dengan diri sendiri. Stress dengan tanggungjawab. Stress dengan phd. Banyak tak tahu. Tak reti tulis ni sangat sangat tension. Stress tak tahu nak mula tulis satu hal lagi. Stress kene marah dgn sv satu lagi..........Twas kinda like chicken & egg situation. Sebab banyak nak kene baca & paham... aku bertambah - tambah stress,tapi bila baca aku tak paham langsung! Ada sorang akak ni (phd dia fully qualitatif), nasihatkan aku supaya, kodkan satu - satu.......kalo tak, nanti bila dah move on benda lain, aku akan lupa. Kena start baru, lagi stress. So atas cadangan dia, aku organized guna software. (dulu pernah guna utk master utk data analysis, tp tak pernah terpikir utk guna for LR, perhaps for the thesis). And yes, she was right! Sikit - sikit, lama - lama jadi bukit. Kalau dah lama tinggal pun, boleh trus pick up & sambung. Dah lama tinggal, pun ada lagi, tak lupa........Hmmmm, bersyukur Allah temukan dengan dia di saat aku bengap masa tu. Hasilnya, the fresh from the oven version, present masa monsoon symposium 2018....... ni pun banyak kenangan juga ni. Aiyooooo....... I don't want to touch that memory.
4. Today, another paper is accepted. Alhamdulillah. Last time got rejected. Kadang lepas tulis tu, terasa bimbang nak menaruh harapan.... but, this one, I m happy it is accepted.
5. Right before the conference started, I met my modelling teacher...... we had some technical discussion. Some of my technical work does not make sense.......ni memang nak nangis ni......heheh. Semoga Allah mudahkan urusanku.....Amiiiiin. At this rate, I just want to go to the person who I know I m safe with, secured with, I can share my imperfections & worries without rasa macam kene tikam bertubi - tubi kat jantung ni......
6. Thank you apak,...mama dah masak. dah kemas. dah cuci toilet. apak took over the kids ms mama sibuk. Thank you, please bear with me, a little longer ya....
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